Friday, October 19, 2007

Endorsments

Election Day is when?

Oh. I better make some decisions about which candidates I like best and which candidates I don't like.... it's about the future of our city and state. Voting is the most important civic responsibi....

Sham sham sham.

And a shame.

So I'll give my endorsement for governor based on the "facts"

The Governor's Race - Who Will be the State's Next Top Crook?


I don't think there's been a governor's race in the history of the country with a slate of candidates less qualified to stage a nice looking photo op.

Just look at these ugly people. We'll never be famous until we can become totally hot.

Walter Boasso - Retarded Puppy

John Georges - Collapsed Mouth Disease

Bobby Jindal - Dr. Octopus

Foster Campbell - Cross-eyed and Crazy-eyed

What are voters supposed to do? These guys worked so hard to ensure that this election would not be bogged down in discussions of their records, their policies, their visions for Louisiana, or their plans to aid New Orleans. But the only logical alternative standards, whether or not someone is totally hot or famous or good at applying makeup also do not apply to this group of dawgs.

Foster Campbell looks angriest so I'll endorse him by default. He also is not a Republican. He also never used to be a Republican. He hasn't given money to Dubya.
I do not want to see Jindal especially. I am voting strategically for Campbell to try and force Jindal into a runoff. I don't know if it matters though. I'm not convinced that Jindal would be worse than Boasso or Georges.

I may write-in for myself. I encourage everyone else that wants a candidate that embodies the standards for physical appearance of the citizens of Louisiana to also look in the mirror vote for themselves. Humble types can also vote for me if they're too shy.

State Attorney General and Insurance Commissioner - pfffffffff

I'm at a loss. The candidates in each of these races seem to be equally qualified to incompetently manage their offices and steal from voting taxpayers. I can't even make a clothespin choice here. They're all that bad.

So, I'm looking deep into the mirror and voting for: My own Sexy Self. I deserve your support for both Attorney General and Insurance Commissioner. My platform is that I want to be famous. And we need to make up for the fact that an ugly governor is inevitable.

Those that don't trust my own self-evaluation should trust their own self-evaluation and vote for their sexy selves. I understand that Kimberly Marshall is a blond.

State Senate District Six - The Anyone But Ballot

I endorse Cheryl Gray because she is qualified, informed, articulate, and not related to William Jefferson Jefferson. She has posters all about and seems to be trying hard to win. I like her.

Shitty Council - Whooooo Are You? Who Who Who Who?

A lot of my blogleagues out there are fed up with the candidates in this race. There seems to be a lot of support for Quentin Brown. The man speaks from the heart and is hilarious. I like him. But he's not to be taken seriously. He does not raise money and seems mostly concerned with getting laughs and venting frustration. He has no plan to win and no plans as a potential councilperson. This is for an at-large seat. This person will be city council president.

Those voting for Quentin Brown are casting a ballot in protest of the municipal political establishment, which is a cause I can fully support. However, I argue that the candidate best capable of legitimizing anger with the political cabal is Malcolm Suber. He's a professor and community activist. He actually has a campaign staff, posters, supporters, and radio ads. He's bothered to raise money for the race. He's put forth proposals for his agenda once in council. He's brilliant, articulate, and outraged without being vulgar or silly.

I endorse Malcolm Suber.

The criticisms of him that I've read on the blogs do not seem to be particularly substantive. I urge you, if you've written him off, to take another look at voting for him. A vote for him makes a more coherent statement than one for Quentin Brown.

Another part of me is considering a vote for Virginia Boulet. Of the supposed front-runners, Bajoie, Boulet, Clarkson, Vassal and Willard-Lewis, Virginia Boulet is the least objectionable. She seems to be a reasonable person to me and she seems smart. I would like to see her make the runoff so that she can match up against some of these other jerkfaces. Vassal doesn't violently offend me but he seems like he's not primed to make the runoff anyway.

At the moment, I am still leaning toward a Suber vote because, I kind of like him actually and won't be gagging when I pull the lever. He's been advertising and I'm hoping he can pull of a surprise showing and hop over some of the known entities. (Though he has NO chance of making the runoff, I'm afraid)

So, to recap::::

Governor: Foster Campbell

State Senate District 6: Cheryl Gray

City Council: Malcolm Suber

Attorney General: My own self

Insurance Commissioner: My own self

Thank You and God Bless America

UPDATE: Jeffrey's got the best rundown of what other bloggers are thinking about the elections tomorrow. Check it out. I still say vote for me whenever possible.




1 comment:

The long, long road home,New Orleans said...

I'm on your line of thinking. I'm a pessimist until I see results.

I have yet to see any results from any election.