Thursday, January 01, 2009

The New Year

We're just one kitten calender away from abandoning these awkward aught years. Before long, we'll return to the simpler times in which we were able to refer to our times with a cutesy nickname.

We need to build a bridge to the twenty tens and these will be our trusses:

1. A famous athlete will be arrested on gun charges and the media will beat the story to death.

2. A famous politician will be exposed for an adulterous act and apologize at a press conference next to his wife.

3. A Republican will say something about Barack Obama that is so racist that conservatives of all stripes will have to condemn it.

4. A female pop star will release a sex tape.

5. A male pop star will come out of the closet.

6. The winning numbers on September 3rd will be 2, 6, 17, 24, 26, 37, and 41.

Playoff picks:

Eagles over Vikings
Cardinals over Falcons
Colts over Chargers
Dolphins over Ravens

Eagles over Giants
Panthers over Cardinals
Steelers over Dolphins
Colts over Titans

Eagles over Panthers
Steelers over Colts

Eagles over Steelers

Final Score: 56-9
Steelers over Ravens

Eagles over Steelers 47-9

It's a time for optimism.


Karen said...

my calendar has puppies..

Headmistress, Brothelbrary of N.O. said...

The fundamental sense of hope that underlies this generalized investment in progress of yours can come off as rather noble, but in this case shining a light on such irresponsible--if I may, unhinged?-- statements feels like something akin to civic duty--the Eagles? Over G*men? Eli. I speak because I care. Stay with us. This convolution of logic and sanity compels me to accept--admittedly in this unconventional and, most likely, unprofessional form--your offer of a seat on the exploratory committee of the E.A.C.-N.P., as I see I am needed more than I previously understood.

Anonymous said...

Eagles over Giants? At Giants Stadium? In January?

Eli ... optimism is all good, but I don't think that's optimism. I think that's wild eyed insanity lurking in my midst.

E said...

Why does January matter? The Iggles play in cold weather too.

We've already beaten them in Jersey this year.

Besides, the Giants are a worse team than they were at the start of the season.

And we've gotten better.

Should be a tough, close game. But we've definitely got a great chance.

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