Sunday, July 06, 2008

Staying High

There is only one place President Bush feels comfortable celebrating his birthday in all of the United States of America. The President is so detested by his own countrymen that he cannot indulge in even the most meaningless ceremonies or celebrations without being reminded of the anger from which he has worked tirelessly to cloister himself.

When the President tried to throw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals opening day baseball game, the crowd booed lustily despite throwing a strike to the catcher. Even on the 4th of July, President Bush was heckled mercilessly by what was designed to be a sympathetic crowd.

When organizers were charged with planning a grand celebration for the President's last birthday in office, they were challenged to find a location somewhere within the 50 states where there would be minimal opportunity for party-poopers to ruin Mr. Bush's big day.

It was a difficult search. There didn't seem to be a suitable location within the United States. Yet creative accomplices to the President came up with a solution that could circumvent the restrictions laid down by unhappy citizens - a flyover.

By celebrating ABOVE the United States of America, the President sends a strong signal to Congress and US citizens that he can still celebrate rising gas prices and nose diving popularity numbers by burning up fuel on his luxury taxpayer-funded jumbo jet and throwing himself face-first into an enormous taxpayer-funded coconut cake.

Yet some aides pointed out that this was not the first time that Presidential party planners stayed cloistered on Air Force One in the face of angry citizens on the ground, er in the water.

I want to tell you to go to hell, Mr. President. Yet upon further reflection, I prefer you go to jail.

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